My Mom of Blessed Memories - Response to felicitations by Well Wishers on Facebook

I thank everyone who has posted a felicitation message here or sent it directly to me in respect of my remembrance of my mother of blessed memories  -   Mother Ebunola Adunni Babalola. I pray for you all that 'ọmọ rere á gbẹ̀yìn gbogbo wa o' - May we all also leave good children after us as part of our legacy - to cherish and  remember in their thoughts and prayers, our good parental deeds and sacrifice. I am deeply touched and 'blown away' by comments prayers and heartwarming reactions extended by neighbours, family members friends, acquaintances, and relatives near and far, especially on this platform (Facebook) in connection with the remembrance of my mom on her posthumous birthday anniversary. In appreciation of all those goodwill messages, I have decided to share my thoughts on that day of remembrance. On that day I suddenly felt the need to do something special. I felt the need to leave my house and go to a place where I could be involved with any good activity that can be of some benefit to anyone available, and also bring me some joy. Before my mom passed on in 2014, that place of refuge was her place, the family house on Lagos Island. These days I go to the house of one close friend or another in ordinary time to 'chill out' and see what joy and benefits one can exchange with the world. Back in the day before 2014, whenever I was in town I would be at my mom's at least once in two weeks, usually over the weekend, sometimes from Friday night to Sunday evening. It was the family house with a lot of space. There were relatives and caregivers there to take care of her, but I always felt the need to go and see for myself that everything was going according to my desire and plans. 

At that time also, my mom was advancing in years and I was concerned about her special needs and healthcare. Around her 79th birthday, she had started to feel progressively incapacitated as a result of a trauma from a fall which occurred in her room just after taking her bath. From then on it was difficult for her to perform her daily routines which included the five daily prayers. I remember one day when she tried to do the ablusion, prelude to a prayer. She tried as I looked on, to wash her face and clean her ears, but her hand could not reach above her shoulders, and she started to cry. I knew why she cried, so I felt terribly sorrowful too. I knew she was concerned about her inability to perform the prayer rites as she had been doing five times daily for so many years before that day. My siblings and I did what we could in terms of medical care and she got better, but it was off and on! Anyway, from that time, the need for the special care increased. I had to bathe for her whenever I was in her house, and the caregiver had to help when I was not. I was always happy when I could make some time to go there. She was always happy to see me. We ate and drank together. We shared thoughts and I pressed her to tell me stories about our early beginnings - the way things were back in our old home town of Efon Alaye, before Dad passed on in 1966. We had a lot of fun talking and reminiscing. She wasn't much of a talker, but I cherish all the great things she told me. She became a widow early in life, but that was after bearing her six children, yours truly being the very last of them. She never remarried .

After Dad died, she juggled the care of six children amidst troubling vicissitudes of life and abandonment by many  relatives in her mid years ( May God bless those who came round to help with some things). But she survived, thanks to God for His grace and the great motherly support of my grand mom, Mama Shebolatan Aina Okundaye, a yam merchant who was based in Lagos in those turbulent years. Mom was unrelenting in the care and nurturing of us, particularly in respect of our education and psychological growth. She must have been very conscious and troubled about how hard it was for a middle aged widow with six children in what we can call a man's world. She didn't have a big network of friends, she was rather introverted. But she was very thoughtful. She wouldn't ask anyone for help unless it concerned something she couldn't possibly do for herself, and unless she was sure by instinct that the person would definitely do it. Watching her as I grew up, she became very resourceful, comfortable and happy. She was devoted to working hard to see that all her children became successful in life. By God's grace she achieved that objective. I remember one day when I was about five or six years old and needed to be enrolled in a primary school. This were the days when it was hard to place a child in school because of the dearth of educational facilities. That lack was relieved by the efforts and investments of Christian and Muslim missions alike in our country. Mom went through a lot at that time to find me a school, but eventually as God would have it, the new Principal of a nearby mission school, one Mr. Faleye came to my mom's shop to have a drink. In that instance, my mom mentioned her child's need for enrollment in a primary school, that was how I became a pupil of that mission school on Lagos Island, and the rest is history as they say!. 

Our education and other important things are always at the very top of my mom's mind. She didn't talk much about anything, but she was thoughtful and prayerful in her thoughts. She was rabidly patient, she knew how to wait for God's time. I was very young at the time, but I can imagine now how much trouble and struggle she had gone through to take care of my sibling, all of whom are older than me. For just me, I can tell tens and tens of stories about things of care carefully and quietly orchestrated and made available for my enjoyment, growth and progress. I remember another time when I was about 27 years old. I was fervently looking for a job after my Banking education in England. On one particular day, I had been out to attend a job interview, at Victoria Island, but I forgot to take an important document with me. So, I rushed back home to take it. Mom's shop was in front of the house. I had to get my document from my room on the top floor of the house. As I was in a big hurry I didn't stop by at the shop to greet my mom, but she saw me and called me, but I didn't go to meet her. I went straight upstairs to get the document. On my way out of the house my mom saw me again and called me. In my hurry I waved my hand signalling that I would be back soon, and that I was in a haste. I hurried down the street out of her view , but she pursued me and was yelling my name at the same time. At that point I knew she was calling me for something very important. I have always known that I had to trust her instinct in a scenario like that. So I turned back and went to meet her somewhere in the middle of the road on Glover Street. When I came close to her, she said "I want you to meet somebody!". She walked me back to her shop, and right in there was one Mr. Ogunwale ( a nice, gentle, friendly and very kind man, may his soul rest in peace). He was an accountant doing an audit work for a clearing agent firm located about two blocks away from our house. He came to Mom's shop for his luncheon Peppersoup and Malta Guinness. My mom had told him that her son had just returned from London and terribly in need of a job. She must have pointed me to him earlier as I crossed the front of the shop on my way into the house. I found out much later that Mr. Ogunwale also studied in England, and he probably had soft spots for 'poor foreign country returnee job seekers"! Anyway, when my mom brought me into the shop to meet him, he said in his very respectful and humble demeanour, "Mommy said you have ACIB (the British  banking professional qualifications) and you are in need of a job". I nodded and said yes sir at the same time. He quickly took his pen out and scribbled a few words on a small sheet of paper. He gave it to me and said "I want you to take this to my 'brother' at Central Bank of Nigeria. He might be able to find a job for you". I was happy. I trusted mom's instincts. She was sure I was going to get a job if I followed Mr. Ogunwale s lead. 

The next day I went to the Central Bank of Nigeria at Tinubu Square. Mr. Ogunwale's 'brother' turned out to be the erstwhile Director of Banking Examination, one Mr. Samuel Ologun ( one of the kindest and courteous human being I've ever met on this earth. May his gentle soul rest in peace). Mr. Ologun became Pastor Ologun after his retirement from CBN, he planted a small church and nurtured it until he passed on to glory not too long ago. The first time I met him in his office, he looked at my credentials and quickly brought out a long list of all banks in Nigeria. He asked me to choose one bank I wanted to work with. I was pleasantly intimidated by that experience because I was a greenhorn and didn't actually know Nigerian banks well enough to choose a good one from the pack. I didn't respond to his gesture and cue, so somehow he knew that I wanted him to choose for me. In the end he chose a new bank with some foreign affiliation and one with ostensible need for qualified employees in key areas. Like Mr Ogunwale, he too scribbled something on a small piece of paper and said " I want you to take this to the Managing  Director/CEO of this bank as soon as possible". I did what he said the next day. To cut the long story short, I started working in that bank a couple of weeks after meeting The CEO. There again I learned to trust my mother's instincts. My many months of job hunting came to a happy and fulfilling end. I think there is something special and supernatural about mothers and women in general, but I don't think they too are fully aware of how they are able to do some of the great stuff they do for us as their children, brothers or husbands, and those which they do for humanity as a whole. This makes me think that one should thank and show our gratitude to God who made them and place us in their loving care. Well, there is no doubt that there are women who show themselves as an exception to these great attribute, but I believe that they too possess the positive and adorable innate capabilities I'm talking about here, and they could activate it at will. May God bless all good women of the earth in great abundance.

So, while I was sitting in my house thinking about where to go and do some good, and also feel good about myself, the thought of my mom's house came naturally to me, but without the feeling that she had passed on to the great beyond ten years ago. When I recovered from that momentary oblivious reminiscence, my mind wondered into a personal story that a friend told me many years ago (1998 or thereabout) in Abuja. She was a customer of the bank where I worked in those days. She told me her mom had just died about a week before. That friend worked with one of the government agencies located at the Federal Secretariat. Her normal practice every Friday,after work,  was to stop by at the nearby market to buy fish and other food stuff. She would buy food for herself and a particular kind of fish for her mother to last at least one week. She would drop off the fish at her mother's and spend some time with her before going to her own house. So, on this particular Friday, she did her routine after work. She bought the fish for her mom, and when she got to the doorstep of her mother's house, it suddenly dawned on her that she had passed away a week before. She broke down and cried, and cried with the fish in her hand. She told me the story much later with tears of joy rolling down her cheeks. She was happy. She was happy that her mom lived a good life of dignity and service to humanity, and she passed on to glory at a good and ripe old age. She was happy that as a daughter, she had the privilege of being around physically to take good care of her mother until death. She was happy that she had a meaningful opportunity to reciprocate all the kind motherly care her mom gave her from birth to adulthood.

So, there I was on that day in that state of mind similar to my friend's. My absence of mind in thought and nostalgia for the days my mother was around soon turned to great euphoria and exceeding joy and fulfillment. I remembered, on a glorious day in February of 2014 at the Hospital at Shogunle, along Abeokuta expressway, my mom passed on to glory. For me, to the glory of God it was a happy ending. My sister and I and some relatives had taken turns in the past days to keep vigil and watch her overnight at the hospital. On that last fateful night it was my turn. I was the only one there in her hospital room, except for the nurse who came in during the night from the General Wards when I demanded for her attention. I stayed up all night. I was determined to do so because Mom was breathing unusually heavily, and I wanted to get help immediately if I needed to. I did get the nurse to come and see her patient a couple of times during the night. She told me Mom was alright. At about 5.30 in the morning, I fell asleep for about 5 minutes, and when I woke up the room was eerily quiet. I knew something strange had happened. Mom that was breathing heavily some minutes ago was now perfectly quiet. I woke up and was brought to consciousness as if someone touched me and wanted me to do something quickly. I got up swiftly and approached the bed where Mom was lying down. I greeted her , but when she didn't respond, I touched and shook her body a couple of times. When she didn't respond I knew something strange and sad had happened. I rushed out to call the nurse. She came to look at her and left without saying a word to me. The expression on her face confirmed my suspicion and feeling. The doctor came in almost immediately the nurse went out. He did an instant test on the patient and turned to me to say "I'm so sorry we have lost her" I couldn't believe what I heard or sure of what it meant even though I was thinking of that possibility before then. Death is inevitable, but it is hard and painful to accept that someone you loved so much would leave you and you will never see her again. In my childish mind, if anyone could live for ever, that person was my mother, but now she was gone for ever and until we meet again in God's heaven. Elizabeth Ebunola, Faosat Adunni, fondly called Amobiojo by the people of our hometown, the wife of Senator Richard Afolabi Babalola was gone for ever. These days I listen to her voice in a tape I made of my interview of her in Lagos and when she visited us in Houston, Texas, USA. To the glory of God and to my delight she got a fantastic and glorious burial. She was interred next to her husband in one of our houses at Efon Alaaye.

Apart from the reasons expressed earlier for writing this article, I am also doing it to inspire  people who still have their mothers here, to care for them as much as possible, and to enjoy their love and care to the limit. All of these will count to them for joy when their 'golden vessels' are gone. For those whose mothers are already gone, they can remember them and their great works of care, with relish. We can pray for them, for God to have mercy on them and rest their souls in perfect comfort. This too would count for happiness for us. Our children reading this can be encouraged to have a good relationship based on mutual love and care with their parents. For them too, it can be a source of priceless joy in the end.

Amongst her great legacy, I remember my mom for being one of the persons who inspired my first book which is about Yoruba Proverbs. She used proverbs, though sparingly, as an instrument of tutelage for morality and psychological growth in her children. As a woman of few words, the proverbs came handy, to pass important message of estimable value, often repeatedly until our childish evasive brain could no longer avoid it. Her favorite proverb was ''Ìgbẹ̀hìn ló ndun olókù àdá, ọjọ́ ọdún l'ọ̀rọ̀ ndùn ọ̀lẹ". In English this literarily says, it is in the end that the owner of a blunt cutlass regrets. The lazy person gets emotionally hurt only on the day of the festival. It is about Diligence  in one's work.- Diligence is a virtue, and a great one indeed, laziness is not. Laziness leads to regrets. Diligence makes a person successful and happy.. This is Proverbs 73 out of 250 in the book titled "A Discussion of 250 Deep Yoruba (African) Proverbs by Alaba J.Babalola, where it is elaborately explained. The book is available at Amazon. com via : https://www.amazon.com/dp/9785946703 , and a  read online only, non downloadable version is available at Selar.co via : https://selar.co/vuxu

Also, a copy of the 392 page 'Printed in Nigeria version' can be obtained directly from the Author / Publisher( for N10,0000 plus cost of shipping via local courier services) on inquiries at alabababalola8@gmail.com

To you,  the esteemed reader  of this article, if you could come this far you have done very well and I express my gratitude to you. I am sorry for the long-winded long article. It was not so intended, but I couldn't help it as the memories flew through my mind ceaselessly. I hope you didn't mind the simple writing style I have used. -  without all the scribal embellishments. It was meant to be written casually to excite and inspire you one way or another. I do hope that I have achieved that objective.

Thank you so much. I hope to see you next time here.

Best,

Alaba.